Talking Toys

So one of my coworkers found this fun site of writing ideas here and wrote from one of the topics today. I'm in a rambling mood and one of the topics is near and dear to my heart right now.

So, I'm going to write about "What if Toys Could Talk?" Actually, I'm tweaking it a little bit to address the talking toys that have invaded my home over the past two Christmas/birthday seasons.

Last year, the first talking toy entered our household on Alanna's Birthday. Hug & Learn Baby Tad. We thought he was pretty cute and Alanna loved figuring out that if she pushed the shape that was lit up it would play a song. The "2 minutes until Night Night" started to get a little old and hearing him come on in the middle of the night in her crib when she'd roll over was a bit disturbing as well.

Then came the Chucky Doll of talking toys, for Christmas we got her SingALong Carebears . These little suckers are spooky as hell! Their heads move and they sing and recognize eachother. So, you'll push the hand of one and it will look at the other bear and say "Hi Wish Bear" or whatever then they'll start singing together. I keep expecting one of their heads to swivel and for it to be like the Clown Doll from Poltergeist . Damn, I hated that doll.

This Christmas, her aunt Hope and uncle Jer got her a Dusty the Talking Vacuum . This seemed like a cute idea as she's now really into pretend play and loves to help mommy with the housework. However, whoever designed this little monster had a sick and twisted time doing so...or a clean freak mother. I expected it to say things like, "It's fun to clean!" and "You missed a spot" or "Let's clean the carpet!" But Nooooooooo, this bugger is giving me a complex. She will roll it over the carpet and it says, "Who made this mess?" "Let's clean up this pigsty" It's giving me a complex over the cleanliness of my house.

And most recently the NUKFairy brought the Talking Vanity mentioned in a previous post. This one at least says nice things, but the biggest problem with all of these talking toys is that there is no volume control. The one toy with a volume control she has is a barnyard music thing that does different songs in animal sounds. Imagine Twinkle Twinkle sung by a chicken. The volume is right where she can figure it out though, so when we turn it down, she simply turns it back up or turns it off and on again to reset it.

Toymakers are sadistic fuckers.